User blog:UltimateGohan98/Pipebomb 2: Where I Stand

The first time I ever heard of this wiki, I was known as Gohanssj3 and at another dbz wiki that most of you know of, but can't be disclosed. I was hearing everyone talk about how great this place is, and I came here to see for myself. When I first came here, I was amazed by the wiki. I was awestruck, I wanted to do be the best right off the bat.

Somewhere in early to mid 2012, I left wikia entirely to focus on other things, but I always had that glimpse if DBZRP in my head. I knew that whenever I chose to comeback, that I would fall in live with thus place all over again, and I was correct. I came back in February of 2013 and saw this one great wiki in a state of death..a state of no return. I immediately asked Blalafoon for a advertising job to revive this wiki into the wiki I saw just of last year. Over time I helped manage to bring life back into DBZRP, and brought Cam (known as Ultimate Alien Warrior then) to the wiki. This led up to finishing the 2 year long Cradle arc, and even contributed in the famous Griama (Gimel) arc.

After this I felt I was on top of the world. Being able to come back in such a short time and accomplish manu things, and bringing many users over. Throwing idea after idea after idea of what I thought the wiki should do to become even better.

Then came that day where I thought I could bring even more users over to the expanding wiki. I sought the idea to bring some of the old uses back as well. Mostly unsuccessful, Cam and I almost gave up hope until we found SS3Tre on another dbz wiki, and after about a hour of pinging him on chat, he returned to the wiki. I instantly befriended Tre, and he was greeted with a positive response from the others. Even retaining his administrator rights, after being gone for such a long period of time.

I guess you can say I was a bit jealous of that. This is where the spark begin, where I wanted to become a administrator more than anything. I was doing a great job at bringing new users to the wiki and contributing, and thought I had a shot at it, but was turned down by Blala.

Fast forward a few months later, I'm still clawing my way towards becoming a administrator, and even added more things to my portfolio that I thought Blala would see fit. However, it still didn't come to fruition.

I didn't keep from trying though, and I simply doubled my efforts, but still couldn't accomplish my goal. This is the point where my frustration started to build.

Fast forward a month or two, I start complaining to Blala all the different things that the wiki needed to fix.

Fast forward another few months later, and the infamous WMAT controversy arises. A rivalry between Tre and I spawned a while back, and this was to see who truly was the better man. After I had Tre against the ropes, he pulled out a move that affected something that should of been in the rules, and to my knowledge. I ended up losing the match, and that's where I wrote my first pipebomb blog. I write about all my frustrations and anger toward the wiki that I simply left for about 2 months. This being mostly because of me being so arrogant, that this lost stung a bit.

After some discussions, the match was reversed, and I managed to pull out the win. But it wasn't as satisfying as I thought it'll be. In the final round if the tournament, I was up against Flamedude22, and which I had the match won until a controversy arose again and cost me the match. This is the point where frustration builds even more, as well as hatred for the wiki I onced loved.

Recovering from the lost, a few months later I had once again became angry with administration. Lekabuto, 9k, Bishido, or whatever the hell you want to call him, became a administrator before me. A user who has been here for only a matter if a few months, does something I was unable to do in almost 3 whole calendar years. This if course stinging a bit.

Fast forward a few months later yet again and I had finally done it. I had become eligible to take the administrator test. I of course studied for about 2 days for it, and then completely stopped. I thought to myself, "If 9k can pass it, then so can I". I was completely wrong, scoring below a 60% and ultimately failing the test. Losing something I have worked for for 3 years within my grasp...and then losing it. This damaged by pride, my spirit, my motivation to do anything wiki related.

Because of this, all my friends/supporters, I turned against. I became a jerk to everyone because I felt that I didn't need anyone's pity. I became more impatient with things, hurting certain user's feelings, and doing things to hurt others accidently and sadly at times intentionally.

I had been pushed against that glass ceiling for so long that all that pain, all that frustration, all that motivation, that will to prove everyone was wrong was completely lost. After I lost these things, I broke through that glass ceiling.

Apologizing
I'm usually not the one to apologize, but I feel like I've hurt a number if users in some ways, and just downright annoy others. So I apologize to those certain users.

Blalafoon
I really said mostly in my last blog about you and apologized there. However I'm still sorry for being so annoying and childish at times.

Luka
You and I have known each other for a while now, and it never seemed it was a problem between us. I even had a crush on you at one time. Now it's to the point where I feel like I annoy the hell out of you, with the constant "Luka edit". Just gonna say that I'm sorry for that, and that it wasn't my intention to do that. Also...uhhh...sorry for the things I've said behind your back...

Flame
Not much I've done to you personally, but I understand that my b*tching about something not being edited annoys you as well. So gonna say I'm sorry for that.

Alpha
Gonna get to the point for this one. I have made fun of you, used the things you enjoy and turn them against you for laughs, and bombarded you with the pics thing. I want yo say that I'm sorry for this, and this honestly takes a lot to say. I am sorry for being such a douche toward you and your characters. I intend to become better at this, and start appreciating what you bring to the wiki.

Gogeta
I know I have done A LOT to wrong you. I want to say that I'm sorry for everything I've done. At times when I make fun of you, it's not me being a bully, but just joking around with you. However I know it gets out of hand sometimes and I intend to stop. I'm gonna stop using you as a punching bag, and treat you more like a friend.

Tre
Yeah, the arrogance thing, I know. I want to learn how to cut down on that and be a better friend as well. Not only this, but to stop treating you like a Gogeta (Sorry Gogeta, last time) and to lay off when it comes to jokes that get out of hand. Also to stop bugging you with the editing thing. I know you try your best, and I now understand that. However it's different when you take 2 days to edit. But again, I'm sorry.

Everyone Else
Fury, Alyra, Zane, Cam Fam, etc, I apologize as well. I've done numerous things to you all as well, and I want to tale the tine to say I'm sorry.

This section alone made me throw away my pride, because I usually don't apologize. But I see you all as friends, and I want to keep it that way.

Questions to ask
Honestly, no. I don't have the will or passion to contribute as I used to, but it may come back. Nope. It was shown and said to me millions of times that I was not administration material. Now I've just come to accept it. Yes, I still have the love for the wiki I had when I first arrived as a noob. However it isn't as strong as it once was. Can't disagree with this one. Honestly, I'm not sure anymore. I said this was gonna be my final year on DBZRP, and I think I rather stick with that. As for things such as contributing and getting my motivation and passion back...only time will tell.
 * Am I motivated now?
 * Am I still trying to become a administrator?
 * Do I love the wiki?
 * Am I awesome?
 * Where do I stand?